So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
