help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
