I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
