This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
