I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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