She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
