I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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