I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
