Your tits are I can't wait for
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
