Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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