It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
