Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
