the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
