You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
