he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
