I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
