New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
