So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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