There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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