break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
