you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
