new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
