Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
