I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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