Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
