I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
