Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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