Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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