you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
