I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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