? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
