make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
