brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
