i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
