You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
