Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
