brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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