so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
