that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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