His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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