To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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