Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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