drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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