can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
