I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
