Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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