I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
