physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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