you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
