apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
