Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
